Why I’m Quitting Online Dating
I’m finally quitting online dating. I’m done. I’ve tried it for many years, and I’ve been on just about every site. Free ones, pay ones, I’ve tried them all. But for some reason, I keep getting stuck with the same results . . . absolutely nothing. So today, I’m deleting all of my online dating profiles, and venturing out onto a brave new experiment called, “real life”.
Why doesn’t it work for me? In my opinion, it’s because men and women are different.
When a man joins a dating website, it’s not really a huge risk. No one will really stalk him, and even if they do, who cares? No one will threaten him, or send him inappropriate pictures. No one will send him aggressive commands to put this on, or take this off. In fact, he probably won’t get any messages at all. In my five years of being on dating websites, I’ve only gotten three messages that were initiated by women. And two of them were transsexuals.
When a girl joins a dating website, it’s a HUGE risk. There IS a chance that someone might stalk her, or threaten her, or send her inappropriate pictures. She’s putting herself in a little bit of danger. And if she is pretty, her inbox will be flooded with messages from guys who only want one thing. Then there is the idea that her boss might see, or her friends, or her neighbors, or the guy at the gas station. The whole world sees her as desperate enough to resort to online dating.
So, the question is . . . why would a woman ever join an online dating website?
After all, pretty girls are hit on all the time in real life. Why would a girl like that ever join a website? The only reason is because she has kids, or perhaps because she’s unattractive, or maybe she has some personal baggage.
I’d say about 90% of the women on the dating websites I visit have kids. Now, I know that it seems cruel to favor girls without kids, but – I’ve dated single mothers before. It’s annoying. Well, taking care of the kid is the best part. But dealing with the ex-husband who might be really possessive can be scary. Also, when a woman has a kid, it’s harder to find any time to learn who the woman is. You’re too busy taking care of the kid(s).
I remember dating a girl who had a kid. I spent more time with the kid than I ever did with her. I played with him, disciplined him, tucked him in at night, and read him stories – the whole thing. But, something was missing: the girlfriend. I didn’t know who she was. I didn’t have the time to learn about her, because I was too busy taking care of the kid. So when we finally hit a small bump in the road, the relationship crumbled.
Now, I’m not opposed to dating a girl with kids. She might be worth the challenge. But when 90% of the girls online have kids, you’re basically relegating yourself to ONLY girls with kids. And with Christmas around the corner, I’m simply not ready to be a father figure AND Santa Claus.
The girls online who don’t have kids usually have other baggage. Either they are very unattractive to me, or they have some kind of rude personality that turns guys off to them in real life. Lots of these girls put on their profile, “I’m a ***** and if you can’t handle it, then **** off!” Needless to say, right now, I’m looking for a girl who is, I don’t know . . . nice?
Occasionally, there are attractive single girls without kids who appear online. When this happens, the entire pool of guys starts messaging them things like, “How’s it goin?” Dating websites usually have twice as many guys as there are girls, so a new pretty girl with no kids will get bombed with tons of messages.
This brings me to the biggest reason that online dating doesn’t work for me. It’s because I’m bald.
Now, I know, lots of girls don’t really care about that. Most girls care about the guy’s personality. Ask any woman who has married a bald man, and they will say, “I never thought I would ever go for a bald guy, and then I met my husband and it’s the best thing ever!”
Lots of girls are naturally geared towards being curious about the guy’s personality. But when you go online, it takes away your personality. That really courageous way that you approached her in the coffee shop. The funny joke you made. The way you smiled at her, or made her feel comfortable and warm. All that is gone.
Instead, she sees your picture, compared side by side with a hundred pictures of other guys. A girl who cares about personality is suddenly encouraged to focus on looks first. My bald head suddenly doesn’t look so charming when it’s juxtaposed next to a thousand pictures of guys with hair. So she will never click on my profile out of the blue, because she’ll think, “eh, he’s bald, next, next, next.”
When a girl goes on a dating website, she is in a shopping kind of a mode. But when you meet a girl in real life, she’s not necessarily shopping and judging. She might have been reading, or thinking, or dreaming, and then you had the guts and bravery to approach her and start a conversation. To evoke her. To sweep her off her feet. It’s a magical and spontaneous thing, and it’s completely lost on a website.
Dating websites try to make up for this by including lots of personality tests. But all of these tests are flawed, because different things matter to different people. For example, the question, “Would you date someone shorter than you?” Of course, I answered yes, and lots of girls answer no. But the test sees that you answered opposite, and lowers your match score! The same thing happened with, “Would you date someone with hair on their chest?” Guys and girls naturally answer that oppositely, and that skews the test.
Then there are the dumb questions like, “Which way do you like to put the toilet paper roll?” One time a girl was rated my “enemy” because she liked to turn the toilet paper in the opposite direction that I do. Who cares?
So here I am, entering a brave new world of only hitting on girls in real life. It feels creepy and weird, but – you know, everything is creepy. If you are a guy, you just have to get used to that. For the rest of your life, everything you do will be “creepy”. Even worse, I’ve had girls who tell me that my problem is, I’m not creepy enough. So screw creepy.
Guys have a tough job. We men have to get over the fear of approaching a woman. Some guys never figure out how to do that. We also have to think of something to say, and try not to be creepy, or sleazy, or weird, and say something magical, but keep it chill, and relaxing, and not seem too desperate, but try to somehow get her number without seeming stalker-ish. Then, she might have a six hundred pound gorilla boyfriend around the corner. Or she could be underage, and her parents are around the corner. Maybe she’ll be frightened, or she might use pepper spray. Maybe she’ll put her guard up and start being really sarcastic. Then she could just say no.
Going up to a girl in real life is a complete nightmare. The agony of rejection is a pain that doesn’t fade easily. But I’m tough. I’ve been handling rejection my whole life, and I’m at the point where I can take anything a girl can throw at me. I’ve crawled through the mud and back just for a girl. I’ve climbed to the highest cloud and traveled through Hades for a girl. I’ve slain many dragons, all for the hope that I might one day find a worthy princess to make happily ever after.