Confidence

by lphawaii

Of all the qualities I look for in a significant other, confidence has to be the most over-rated.  Now, I consider myself to be a confident person in general. I am confident that I am confident.  But the fact is, I really don’t care if a girl is confident at all.  I care much more about her ideas, than how confident she is.

Personally, I find most confident people annoying.  They are always spouting off about random stuff they know, and they dominate everything.  They have to be “right” all the time.  They stand up so straight, and they are always “on”.  It’s exhausting just being around them!

I’d much rather be around someone who wasn’t so confident.  Someone who was unsure.  Maybe they would be a good listener, and want to know your opinion about things.  Maybe they would be cute and shy and fun to be around.

We men are constantly told that we have to be more confident.  Stand up straight.  Be the alpha male.  Look people directly in the eyes. Women are attracted to men with confidence, and if we only had a little more, we would be swarming with girls.

This might be true, but personally, I’d rather find a girl who liked me for a million other reasons, than how confident I was.  There are lots of other great things about me that never change.  But my confidence can swing depending on the topic, or the time of day.

For example, I’m pretty confident in the morning. “Rise and shine everyone! It’s going to be a great day!” That’s me.  But put me in a dark room with loud music blaring and alcoholic beverages in everyone’s hand, and all of a sudden, I’m not so confident anymore.  Or how about this?  I’m very confident on stage.  I can go in front of thousands of people and talk – no problem.  But ask me about basket weaving, and watch my face go blank.

The point is, confidence isn’t a personality trait.  It’s not who you are.  It’s just a flexible state of being.  Like hunger.  Or being tired.  It changes throughout the day.  Sometimes your confident, and sometimes your not.  Sometimes you can have too little, and sometimes you can have too much.

What about over-confidence?  We men are told not to be over-confident either.  So how much confidence are we talking about?  30%?  100%?  2,000%?

I would much rather be with a bunch of people who are “off”.  People who slouched all over the place.  Let’s just take a nap everybody.  And let’s talk about the world, and not be so confident all the time.  Maybe you’re right, maybe I’m wrong, but let’s figure it out.  People who are not very confident can be very charming, I think.  They are the super shy, funny ones who are terrific at listening.  I’ll take that any day over someone who’s trying as hard as they can to stand up straight.

Advertisements