Plenty of Fish

by lphawaii

So I joined these dating sites, Plenty of Fish, and OkCupid.  It’s not really because I want to date anyone, it’s just sort of a curiosity for me.  I just want to see who’s out there, and if women find me attractive.  All my life I’ve had trouble seeing what girls find attractive.  Are sneakers with jeans looked down upon?  Are glasses sexy now adays?  I went through my entire high school and college career with a mustache, and it was only after I shaved it off that girls would come up to me and say, “THANK GOD!”


So as an experiment, I joined the site and made a profile, and waited.  I didn’t have a good camera, so the pictures I posted were kinda bad – mostly fuzzy and lazy, with me smiling awkwardly.  I made a quick write-up of myself, 29, teacher, no car.  Nobody really contacted me, or responded to my messages for a long time.  I just sort of left the site and forgot about it.


Then one day I did some research.  I saw that almost every girl’s profile said, “I’m just a nice girl looking for a good man.”  So in the heading of my profile I put, “A Good Man Looking For A Nice Girl”.  I took some quality pictures, and increased my height by two inches, ironically to what my actual height is, 5’7.  For some reason I had been using my same height since high school, and had never bothered to check what it actually was today.


After I updated my profile, I started getting lots of messages.  At least one, sometimes two hits a day.  They were all messaging me, “You are soo HOT!” or “What is a guy like you doing on a site like this!?”  They were women from all over Hawaii.  Some of them divorced, some of them with kids, some of them really pretty, some of them not.  One girl was actually a man who was dressed as a woman.  At least, I’m pretty sure it was a man.  I didn’t message her (him?) back.


It’s pretty amazing that by tweaking a few things I could create such a difference.  But now that I have so many girls asking me out, I find myself being very discriminating.  I don’t think I’m very picky, but some girls just put the most terrible things on their profile!


Some girls are just really bitchy.  They say, “I’m mean, and I very cold, and I tell it like it is, so if you don’t like that, then see ya later loser.”  Some girls just call themselves a bitch.  “Yeah, I’m the biggest bitch.”  At least half the proflies I look at are like that.  “Most people tell me I’m mean, but they’re just haters!”  It’s like – uhh, what happened to just being nice?  I don’t know.  I think niceness is attractive.


Some girls have like three or four kids and they are 25 years old with barely any income.  I’m sorry for sounding discriminatory, but that is a lot of presents to buy with Christmas around the corner.  I might as well put a white beard on and wear a red suit on our first date!  I’m open to the idea that there exists a person in the world who has some kids and would be a great match for me, but let’s just say I’m cautious.


Some girls are too picky.  They say, “You’d better have a six-pack, and make more than $80,000 a year.  Our first date, you need to surprise me, but I want you to get me wine and then take me under the stars and give me a kiss.  And you’d better not have been married before!  And NO I do not want anyone that watches FOOTBALL!  And anyone who plays World of Warcraft can kiss this babe goodbye!”  Then I look at their picture and they are maybe a 5 out of 10 on the hotness scale.


Most of the people have terrible grammar or spelling.  Now, I’m no spelling Nazi, but when the very first sentence in your profile begins with, “I jus a grill looking for love,” I start to get hungry for burgers instead of women.  Some people write as if they are texting.  “I’m not sure wat to write here.  I cud think about this 4eva! 🙂 LOLLL!”  That makes me think they’ll be texting when I’m trying to have a conversation with them.


Half the girls don’t even put their picture up there.  One time a girl was messaging me a lot who didn’t have a picture.  I basically said, “Look, uh, unless you send me a picture of yourself, how can I be sure I’m not just talking to a man?”  She refused to send a picture and so that was the end of that.  I don’t understand.  Do they think that some guy will be clicking around, and fall in love with their username?  Like, “Oh, bliss38, what a great username!  I’ll bet we’re a match made in heaven!”


Online dating has given me a peek into the real world of dating – of which I know almost nothing about.  Going to a bar, hitting on some girl, getting someone’s number, and getting drunk together are completely foreign concepts to me.  Is that really better than meeting someone online?  I don’t know.  But I do know, it does make me feel nice that so many girls seem to like me.  Maybe one day I’ll feel ready to like one of them.